I have to write tonight or I will explode. A bad day today for my son. Physically he is grey and drawn. Emotionally he is sad and worried. This morning he was hard to get out of bed and bolshy as well as tearful. Things were good last week when he went back to school and I, foolishly, thought that it was all going to be ok. I should have known that was being rather too optimistic.
My new book on CBT and coping with an anxious child doesn't tell me how to cope with these situations. I am left angry, frustrated, desperately sad for my little boy. He tells me he is now in set 3 of all his subjects, a move downwards. He comes home from school quite happy, but gets sadder as the evening goes on. He tries hard with his homework, but gets bad tempered when he can't do things.
I don't know what we would do without student support at his school. They are just lovely and they know how to get him to lessons, calm him down.
I just don't know what to do. The summer holidays were pretty good, but now we are plunged back into the uncertainty, the misery, the tears and the fear. I am so afraid that he will spend his whole life battling mental illness. I can't tell you what a beautiful, talented boy he is, but when I see him grey and drawn, besieged by dread and worry, I am lost. Lost. I want to help him, but I fail him every day.
I have no idea if this will help, but my husband just did a father-son trip for some dads who wanted to do sort of a "coming of age" thing for their young teen sons. They did a multi-day backpacking trip up to a mountain. For part of it, there was one boy who has struggled for many years with all sorts of issues. My husband told this boy that it was his job for the afternoon to navigate the trail and to get them to their campsite. He told the boy's dad that he could only ask two things: "What do you need from me? " and "How can I help?" Apparently, asking those two questions through the course of the afternoon got the boy to open up, and it helped him better define what he was feeling, thinking, and needing/wanting. Maybe that could be a method you use on occasion? (I know if my mom had asked me what I needed, it would have felt really special that she was interested in hearing my ideas about my pain instead of relying on her own expertise to diagnose what I needed. Moms do usually know, but there is something so affirming about being asked when you're a kid.)
ReplyDeleteWhether that helps or not, just know that I'm thinking of you guys and praying for some kind of breakthrough for him this school year. I'm here to listen, and if my occasional ideas or questions aren't helpful, by all means, please tell me to just be quiet as a mouse. =) xoxo
That sounds like a good idea Inkling. I look forward to your comments so much. You are a quiet sensible voice who gives me strength and comfort. Please dont stop.
ReplyDeleteToday is better so far , for which I am grateful. If the good days eventually outnumber and defeat the bad days I will be so happy. Take care lovely lady.
S
xxx
I don't think you fail him every day. I think you are there for him every day doing the best you can, trying to find space for yourself while you put everyone else first. Trying to help and guide him while giving time to the rest of your family.
ReplyDeleteI think you are doing a marvellous job every day, and being too hard on yourself every day as well.
Thank you. You 2 are very lovely and it means a lot that you come here and comment. x
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