Trying to be normal.

Today has been a better day. Although my son started off feeling sad and saying that there are only ten days of holiday left we kind of ignored him and treated him like a toddler who is having a tantrum. He eventually came downstairs and was fine.

My husband and I have joined a gym so we went off for our induction, leaving both boys at home. It was such a relief to have time together, just the two of us. Our relationship has been strained since February when we went skiing and he was, frankly, a pain in the arse. We actually enjoyed each others company this morning, although I did feel somewhat disappointed when he chose Tescos over my suggestion of the pub ...

Still, its a start. Over lunch my son has been a tad over the top, but not too bad. I can cope with the over the top happiness one hell of a lot better than with the sobbing and threats of suicide.

We have started to make sure we eat every meal at the table - no lazy lunches in front of the telly. Putting everything out in dishes so we can all help ourselves is a great improvement. My boy's eating has improved by 100% and doesn't seem to be an issue any more. This is thanks to my mum. My God but she has come through for us lately. We have had our ups and downs in the past, but she really is a rock and bloody astute too. We left the boys with her last Saturday as we were out late in London and when we got up on Sunday she had made notes on her observations of our son. As an ex nurse she is an experienced head who can look from a little more distance at our situation.

Well, that's it for now. I can't tell you what a relief it is to be able to write everything down, knowing that I am anonymous here. x