Hypnotherapist.

We went to the hypnotherapist today. My son had been having a slightly more positive day, but after seeing her he went downhill. He thought she was rubbish - a "stupid cow" in his words. Personally I thought she was lovely and very good with him.

I have done my best to be calm and positive with him tonight. He went to bed in pieces but I managed to calm him down. I used something my dad taught me - imagining you are lying in the warm sun, touching the sand with your fingers and feeling the sun move up your body from the toes to the top of your head, relaxing your muscles as it goes, releasing the tension out of the ends of your fingers and the top of your head. I was amazed as he completely calmed down, relaxed and went to sleep.

I took my eldest boy to football training and on the way back I stopped in the driveway to phone my mum. Funny how mums are needed even when your 48. Actually my brother answered the phone and I had a mini melt down with him. I spend so much of my time being strong for everyone that sometimes I just have to let it all go. I still have written nothing for my essay and have just now finished planning my lesson for tomorrow. It's 23.19 and I feel rather empty.

A good night's sleep will make me feel better, but I dread each morning, having to go into his bedroom, not knowing how he will be.

Its just a few weeks ago, February, that he was fine. When we get through this I am going to appreciate every song he sings, every joke he tells, everything.