My son's battle with dread and fear.

I have to write tonight or I will explode. A bad day today for my son. Physically he is grey and drawn. Emotionally he is sad and worried. This morning he was hard to get out of bed and bolshy as well as tearful. Things were good last week when he went back to school and I, foolishly, thought that it was all going to be ok. I should have known that was being rather too optimistic.

My new book on CBT and coping with an anxious child doesn't tell me how to cope with these situations. I am left angry, frustrated, desperately sad for my little boy. He tells me he is now in set 3 of all his subjects, a move downwards. He comes home from school quite happy, but gets sadder as the evening goes on. He tries hard with his homework, but gets bad tempered when he can't do things.

I don't know what we would do without student support at his school. They are just lovely and they know how to get him to lessons, calm him down.

I just don't know what to do. The summer holidays were pretty good, but now we are plunged back into the uncertainty, the misery, the tears and the fear. I am so afraid that he will spend his whole life battling mental illness. I can't tell you what a beautiful, talented boy he is, but when I see him grey and drawn, besieged by dread and worry, I am lost. Lost. I want to help him, but I fail him every day.

New Term, an annoying husband and a good CBT for children book.

My husband is a miserable bugger sometimes. I am too, of course, but really ... He is really grumpy at the moment and having got up early then cooked a delicious lunch for him I was not impressed when he criticised it. It really was delicious, but the lack of compliments flowing from him made me ask him " Do you like it? Its yummy isn't it? " His reply was that yes it was nice, but that his noodles were stuck together. He was very lucky that he didn't get the bloody noodles over his head.

What is it with people who can't say nice things?? Did he need to say that some of the noodles were stuck together? Why couldn't he look for the positive? It wasn't that bad. It just pisses me off that I had worked hard, made a nice lunch and all he could do was criticise. I said to him " Can you not just be grateful I cooked you lunch? I've worked hard to make something delicious..." He tried to pass his comment off as a joke, but I didn't think it was funny.

I get annoyed that life is always worse for him. His work is harder. His body aches more than mine. For goodness sake. When he does cook, which is rarely, its always the same stuff - spag bol, roast if we're lucky. And I always praise what he does. Does he not realise that its me that cleans the toilet, does the shopping, hoovers, cooks,takes our son to all his therapist appointments ...

I am painting him in a bad light I realise and, to be honest, he is a good, kind man whom I love. Its just that sometimes a girl gets pissed off with their man and its easier to vent on here than to get into a full scale row. There are times I am glad that he works nights and I can just shut the door and settle down with a glass of wine by myself.

Changing the subject, my son's therapist recommended a book for me to read. It came yesterday and I'm about half way through. Its called Overcoming your child's fears and worries - A Guide for parents using Cognitive Behavioural Techniques. by Cathy Cresswell and Lucy Willetts. So far it seems pretty good and I am hoping I can get my husband to read it too so we can both work off the same page with our boy.

Whether or not he will remains to be seen, but I will try. I think he finds all this very difficult ( dur ... don't we all??) and tends to bury his head in the sand or get frustrated. I might vent my frustrations on here, but in real life and infront of my son I am very calm and caring. My husband struggles to know how to behave, how to talk to him.

Anyway I hope the book will help. My son's first week at school went pretty well. He was upset the second day, but enjoyed it when he got there. And ... good news ... he walked in all three days. I really hope this term will be better.

Anxiety continues.

School starts tomorrow for my sons. Son #2, my son who is struggling with anxiety issues, is full of worries about tomorrow. I try to be calm and talk about positive things, but he cannot see how he will ever be better. I just don't understand what he is worried about or why he becomes so consumed with anxiety. This summer holiday he has been pretty good, pretty normal.

He continues to see a therapist once a week through CAMHS who is using CBT but I can't see that it is having much effect. My son is stubborn and finds it difficult to open up to a stranger who he doesn't particularly like.

I just want him to be better, to live a normal life, to be happy. We have had times in the last 6 months when I longed to hear him laugh again and, thank goodness, he has laughed over these holidays. But we are back again to him being drawn and shadowed. I don't know how parents with seriously ill children cope because I find this situation so difficult. I keep plodding on, but just as I think things are getting better they crash back down.

His sadness and fear impact on his life in a way that is heartbreaking. He is such a bright, funny, cheerful boy ... or, at least, he was. I just don't understand this change. I hope that a new year at school brings new confidence and an end to this 6 months of awfulness.