How do you fight against lies? What do you do when your immediate superior lies about things you have supposedly done, not done, said or not said? How do you fight against someone who feeds a steady drip of very believable lies to those around you?
There are days when my heart beats out of my chest as I approach my place of work. I am just beginning to realise that this person has been making allegations against me for months. I have never been told to my face that I am doing anything wrong. When I have asked if I can do more to help I have been told no, you are doing everything that is asked of you.
I can take criticism - I am not perfect, I know that. But I will not consent to lies being put on my permanent record as fact. When you are being bullied I am beginning to realise that the onus of proof is on the person being bullied. Nobody can understand how much shit you go through before you even think of going for help. And when help is not forthcoming ... Its bloody awful.
When there are only the two of you party to the behaviour that constitutes bullying then it is your word against theirs. It is exhausting. I want to quit my job, but I don't feel I should be pushed out.
What is happening to me? My son up and down, needing my love and support and me finding it hard enough to get myself up in the morning, never mind look after him. Thank God for my husband who is strong for us both. He has been wonderful lately - so caring and loving. This is like a hideous nightmare.
I have been told not to speak of this situation so as not to undermine my superior. I can understand that to a certain extent, but it is putting unbearable pressure on me to put on a happy face all the time. There has been no investigation into my claims.
I am so pissed off. I don't want to go my union route as I just want to come in and do my job - not cause a huge stink. If I went that way how could I continue to work at this place? They would hate me for rocking the boat. How can you fight someone who lies so consummately? She is beating me.
there HAS to be something you can do. There HAS to be someone that is there to listen - you HAVE to make someone listen. You MUST find that person even if you have to go to the top. Keep everything in writing and kick up a stink. You;re not doing anyone any favours by letting her beat you.
ReplyDeleteYou are better than her.
I agree with whitespace. Definitely keep everything in writing, and even if it's illegal, for your own sanity, where a wire and record a few days worth of crap. Even if you can never use it, at least you have it for your own sanity.
ReplyDeleteI remember getting bullied and then fired from a job. Yes, I'd let some folks down. But no, I didn't deserve the horrid way they handled it, nor did the children in my care. But interestingly enough, one of my biggest critics came back later to tell me that her file was as big as mine was when she was fired by the same person, and suddenly she realized that it was wrong of her to believe all that she had once believed about my supposed wrong-doing. And ironically, one of the best private tutoring jobs I ever had was because a man heard I'd been fired by this particular person and he said that was a good enough reference for him. In other words, the person who had axed me had character that was known to be poor and abusive, so if I had managed to get on her bad list, I must be a pretty decent person. All this is to say that karma comes around eventually. And yours? I know it will be as good as you are. Even if you have to wade through this horrid stuff first.
In the meantime, please know that you've got a friend thinking of you and cheering you on from across the pond. xoxo ~ Ink
thank you Whitespace and Ink. I have been awake since before 6 this morning with my heart just banging in my chest.I have meetings today and I hope they will listen and believe me and do something. All the sensible, normal people I know are behind me in this, but it seems that work either doesn't believe me or has its hands tied.I am dreading today and no person should have the right to make you feel that way.I'll keep you posted.
ReplyDeletePlease do.
ReplyDeleteMy friend used to work as a care worker where her boss often made comments and did sexually explicit things in her presence(he was in charge of mentally handicapped children remember)she knew this had happened to other girls and this was the reason they had left. Not one had reported him because they needed the job reference.
My friend decided to raise a complaint, she said she couldn't carry on letting him get away with it and it would stay with her as a cowardly act if she said nothing. So she reported him and suddenly all these other girls came out of the woodwork to back her up. He was fired and not allowed to work with children again.
He relied on nobody saying anything because he knew they would need his reference. My friend didn't want the fact she did nothing weighing on her forever and, whatever the outcome knew she had to be true to her character and do what was right.
Try to get someone to listen or say you'll take it higher than them.
I have got everything off my chest today and have taken it as high as I can at the moment. Read a very interesting article about bullying in the work place this morning and my bully fits the bill exactly. The trouble is its my word against theirs. They cleverly do nothing when other people are about and play the victim very well. Their lies are so close to the truth and yet twisted to always reflect them in a good light and others around them badly.I left work early today as I felt I couldn't continue. Comes to something when you're crying in the toilets alone.
ReplyDeleteI feel better that I have said my piece. Whether anything will be done remains to be seen.
I wish I could be more candid but best not.Thanks for your support. I know you are honest and give good solid advice.S